I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
