Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
