Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
