And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
