uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
