just tell him i said nine months
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize