You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
