How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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