How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
