chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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