when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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