It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
