She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
