soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
