Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just took my morning after pill in the library
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize