Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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