I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
