Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Randomize
