I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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