i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
