She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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