it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
