UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
