You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
