Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
