I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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