my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I AM VODKA MAN
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
