yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
