i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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