How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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