Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
