it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I think I sprained my soul last night
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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