I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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