i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
