is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
