Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
