HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
