Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
