you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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