6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
