all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
operation harelip BJ is a go
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
