I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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