If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
