im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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