Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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