I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
