if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize