I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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