he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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