We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So squirting runs in the family.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
