How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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