her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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