my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
