I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
