If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
