What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
