in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize