god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
