Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
