I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
