No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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