Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
