apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i think i have two assholes
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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