I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
