do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I love you.
Bad choice
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
