so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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