we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
