wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
