yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
