yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
