I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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