My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
