dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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