And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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