dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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