I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
