i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
