when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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