If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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