My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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