I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
