Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Little spoons don't ask big questions
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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