ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
