Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
